Harvest time: Some thoughts about weaning.

Many of you told us in last month's survey that you're interested in hearing about weaning.  I thought I start with my own experience and some of my favorite resources, and then invite you to write about your own experience.

We are just about down to the last of the apple avalanche of October.  We've recently made applesauce, apple crisp (which my son calls 'apple Christmas'), put apples in stuffing, and had apples with peanut butter. 

Having all these apples around has made with think about...weaning.  Stick with me here.  I'm going to make this work.

Do you know what it's like to pick a fruit when it' s not yet ripe?  It takes some effort.  There's resistance, a moment of struggle.  Now imagine picking the same fruit when it's ripe.  It practically falls into your hand.  It's ready.

This is what weaning was like for me.  Nursing just faded out, with no protest or struggle.  At some point I suggested that we nurse every other bedtime, instead of at each bedtime.  That lasted for about a week, and then I guess he forgot about it, and there we were, done.  He didn't notice that we'd stopped until I pointed it out to him a few weeks later.

Apparently I'm not the first person to notice this connection.  Today I came across this quote from Dr. Sears' Baby Book while on the kellymom.com site:

In ancient writings, the word 'wean' meant 'to ripen" -- like a fruit nourished to readiness, it's time to leave the vine....Weaning was a joyous occasion because a weaned child was valued as a fulfilled child; a child was so filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of development that she graduated to take on the next stage of development more independently.    From The Baby Book, Sears and Sears.

It was like this with other things like sleep and potty training.  We trusted that he would know when the time was right.  And when we sensed it was, we gave him a tiny push in the right direction, and that was it. 

This is not to say that there wasn't suffering involved, especially with regard to sleep.  I was ready to be done with nursing before he was, but kept going until I felt he was ready.  And there can certainly be a feeling of buyer's remorse if you do it this way ("could we have done this sooner?").  But in the end I think that the sacrifices were worth it, and I'd do it all again the same way.

I know that weaning this way is not always possible, for many reasons.  Last week I worked with a woman who needs to stop breastfeeding in order to take a medication which her doctor says is incompatible with breastfeeding.  A friend called last week for help with night weaning her toddler, and it's looking like it'll be a struggle.  Another friend's toddler suddenly self-weaned after an illness, leaving her in shock and engorged for some time. 

If you're looking for some help with weaning, or are just starting to think about it, here are some of my favorite resources:

• Weaning at kellymom.com
• Resources on weaning from La Leche League International
• Books on weaning at Motherwear's bookstore
• Night weaning, especially for toddlers, at kellymom.com
• Some parent-to-parent help at the Berkeley Parents Network, and parents' toddler weaning stories at DC Urban Moms and Dads

And feel free to tell us about what weaning was like for you in the comments section!

Comments

[Sinead]

Thanks for this, Tanya. I'm trying to wean my 16 month old son and it's not going so well, especially at night-time!

This is so different to how it was with my daughters who pretty much weaned themselves at the same age... Perhaps he just needs a little more time!

I'll definitely have a look at your links!

[Mama Knows]

I am absolutely desparate to find a way to eliminate night feedings! I read the kellymom link. It has some good suggestions that I'm going to try. Thanks for finding this.

[Beth]

What timing! Weaning is a topic that has been on my mind for ages, it seems. I nursed my daughter for 21 1/2 months. Her last nursing was on Christmas Day 2004. At the time, I was just at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy with my son. I felt ready to wean her and it went smoothly even though the process took place over the holidays. (She had been nursing just 3 times a day since September-ish. I started elimintaing the last 3 feedings at Thanksgiving) I also wasn't sure that I wanted to tandem nurse, so I wanted to make she there was plenty of time for her to adjust before the baby was born.

My son is now 16 1/2 months old and almost weaned. I have been struggling with the decision to initiate weaning for a long time. I have been taking antidepressants since he was 3 months old and while I feel somewhat better, there are more puzzle pieces to address. I have become very aware of the hormonal component to my depression & feel like I need to let my body return to its baseline & re-set itself. (I've been pregnant and/or nursing for 4 1/2 years!) I feel okay with this decision, and have even noticed HUGE differences in my emotions & mood in the last 6 weeks since really cutting back on our nursing. We have been down to just 1 nursing a day for close to two weeks. We even skipped 2 days in a row, and I thought that might have been it, but not so. I'm glad to still have that one nursing. For as long as I have contemplated weaning, I have worried that as soon as we did, that I would regret my decision. Today we nursed at nap time. Naps have been HORRIBLE for the past couple of months and today, he wanted to nurse when he woke up after a brief sleep in my arms and then cried & cried as I struggled to find a way to console hime, wanting desperately to nurse! So we nursed. He was in such a deep sleep while/after nursing! I sat there holding him wondering whay I had been torturing both of us the past several weeks trying to get him to take a nap. Reading (and re-reading) Tanya's words about nursing until she felt her son was ready have really struck a chord with me. I think we'll add that one back to our routine and see what happens. I don't think I'm entirely ready to let go, and more importantly, I don't think he is either. So our weaning story is to be continued...