The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog

Harvest time: Some thoughts about weaning.

Many of you told us in last month's survey that you're interested in hearing about weaning.  I thought I start with my own experience and some of my favorite resources, and then invite you to write about your own experience.

We are just about down to the last of the apple avalanche of October.  We've recently made applesauce, apple crisp (which my son calls 'apple Christmas'), put apples in stuffing, and had apples with peanut butter. 

Having all these apples around has made with think about...weaning.  Stick with me here.  I'm going to make this work.

Do you know what it's like to pick a fruit when it' s not yet ripe?  It takes some effort.  There's resistance, a moment of struggle.  Now imagine picking the same fruit when it's ripe.  It practically falls into your hand.  It's ready.

This is what weaning was like for me.  Nursing just faded out, with no protest or struggle.  At some point I suggested that we nurse every other bedtime, instead of at each bedtime.  That lasted for about a week, and then I guess he forgot about it, and there we were, done.  He didn't notice that we'd stopped until I pointed it out to him a few weeks later.

Apparently I'm not the first person to notice this connection.  Today I came across this quote from Dr. Sears' Baby Book while on the kellymom.com site:

In ancient writings, the word 'wean' meant 'to ripen" -- like a fruit nourished to readiness, it's time to leave the vine....Weaning was a joyous occasion because a weaned child was valued as a fulfilled child; a child was so filled with the basic tools of the earlier stages of development that she graduated to take on the next stage of development more independently.    From The Baby Book, Sears and Sears.

It was like this with other things like sleep and potty training.  We trusted that he would know when the time was right.  And when we sensed it was, we gave him a tiny push in the right direction, and that was it. 

This is not to say that there wasn't suffering involved, especially with regard to sleep.  I was ready to be done with nursing before he was, but kept going until I felt he was ready.  And there can certainly be a feeling of buyer's remorse if you do it this way ("could we have done this sooner?").  But in the end I think that the sacrifices were worth it, and I'd do it all again the same way.

I know that weaning this way is not always possible, for many reasons.  Last week I worked with a woman who needs to stop breastfeeding in order to take a medication which her doctor says is incompatible with breastfeeding.  A friend called last week for help with night weaning her toddler, and it's looking like it'll be a struggle.  Another friend's toddler suddenly self-weaned after an illness, leaving her in shock and engorged for some time. 

If you're looking for some help with weaning, or are just starting to think about it, here are some of my favorite resources:

• Weaning at kellymom.com
• Resources on weaning from La Leche League International
• Books on weaning at Motherwear's bookstore
• Night weaning, especially for toddlers, at kellymom.com
• Some parent-to-parent help at the Berkeley Parents Network, and parents' toddler weaning stories at DC Urban Moms and Dads

And feel free to tell us about what weaning was like for you in the comments section!

A new Carnival of Breastfeeding - Want to join in?

Coming soon, on Monday, December  4th, four other bloggers and I will assemble our posts on a new topic:  Gifts for the Breastfeeding Mother. 

I'm really happy to bring you five different voices on this topic:  Jen from The Lactivist, Andi from Mama Knows Breast, Angela from Breastfeeding 1-2-3, and Sinead from Breastfeeding Mums, participating from Northern Ireland.

Last month we began the monthly carnival series with our first topic, Home for the Holidays, which you can see here. 

Do you have a blog and want to join in?  If so, first email me at motherwearblog@gmail.com for more information.  Submissions will be due by Saturday, December 2nd.

Chocolate, bad advice, and a very good doctor.

Last month a friend of mine had a baby.  When the baby was a few days old a visiting nurse paid them a routine visit.  My friend described the nurse, charitably, as "a little old school."

The nurse told my friend that, since she was breastfeeding, she shouldn't eat much chocolate because it would bother the baby.  She said, "Now, if you get a big box of chocolates, only eat two or three."

My friend later went to her family practice doctor for a well-baby visit, and asked about this advice.  Her doctor stared directly into her eyes and said, "Go home and eat some chocolate." 

That's right:  It was a prescription for chocolate.  This is my definition of a good doctor.

Yes, there are some babies who react to chocolate, and you have one of them you have my deepest sympathy, but this kind of blanket "you can't eat chocolate/gassy foods/citrus/etc." advice without any indication of a problem is just outdated, and borders on cruelty when it comes to foods like chocolate.

If you ask me, this advice belongs in the Bad Breastfeeding Advice Hall of Fame, next to "you have to be happy to make milk."  If that were the case our species would have died out a long time ago. 

Yes, some babies are sensitive to certain foods in a nursing mother's diet.  And since food allergies can run in families, it makes sense to avoid foods that you or the baby's father are allergic to.  But there is no evidence that all babies react poorly to certain foods.  Each baby is different, and a food that bothers one may not bother another.

For a brief summary of nutrition during lactation, including alcohol, caffeine, and high-mercury fish intake, click here for a short video.  Or, for more detailed information, with information on peanuts, soft cheeses, and sushi, check out this page on the wonderful kellymom.com site.

And then, unless you have reason to believe that it is causing a problem, go get yourself some chocolate.

Of course, this information is provided for educational purposes only.  See your health care provider for medical advice related to these topics.

Giving thanks.

My best Thanksgiving wishes go out to all of you!

There's nothing like helping other mothers with breastfeeding problems to make you grateful for what went right when you were nursing.  I really do have a lot to be thankful for when it comes to my breastfeeding experience.

I'll share my top five:

1. A baby who latched well from the start
2. Breasts that produced a good supply (who knew?)
3. Supportive family and friends, especially my husband
4. An employer who never gave me grief about pumping
5. A doula who drilled into me to "get help early" if a problem arose (the best advice I know)

I'm really grateful to have had the opportunity to work with breastfeeding mothers at such a special and challenging time of life.  I'm also very thankful to have the chance to write about breastfeeding and "meet" so many of you in the course of writing this blog.  Thank you, Motherwear!

How about you?  What do you have to be thankful for?  Please tell us in the comments section!

Unfriendly skies: An update.

A lot has happened in the last week regarding the story of Emily Gillette, who was forced off a Freedom Airlines flight for breastfeeding her daughter last month.

Today's news is of course the nurse-ins held at Delta ticket counters at airports around the country.  There were nurse-ins at 39 sites, with over 800 participants. 

These pictures were published on Boston.com, and taken in Columbus, Ohio (where you can see fellow blogger Jen from The Lactivist with her son Emmitt) Baltimore, and Burlington, where the story started.  More photos, including ones from Washington, D.C. and Boston, are here. 

I thought I'd summarize what's happened related to this incident so far.  Here are:

• Press reports about the nurse in: ABC News, MSNBC, the Washington Post, Seattle Times, Hartford Courant, Minneapolis Star Tribune, AFP/Yahoo News and National Public Radio
• Some of the many press reports about the incident:  Burlington Free Press, ABC News, USA Today
• Statements from Freedom Airlines, Mesa Air Group
• A petition to sign to urge Delta to support breastfeeding mothers
• Delta's complaint form
• An interview with Emily Gillette at Mothering.com
• Link to the Lactivism Yahoo Group established in the wake of the incident
• A statement by Rep. Carolyn Maloney and her legislation, the Breastfeeding Promotion Act (via Angela)
• A link to your comments about this issue on this blog

Thank you to everyone who read, wrote, attended a nurse-in, signed a petition, and talked about this issue with friends and family.  You've made a difference!

And if you attended any of the nurse-ins, please share your story in the comments section!

A dad's perspective on breastfeeding in public.

I don't know about you, but I think I need a little break from the story of the woman kicked off of a plane for breastfeeding.  If you'd like updates on that story, click here, and scroll through the comments.

But if you're in the mood for something fun, here's a debate among two dads over nursing in public.  It's actually nice to hear some good comebacks to typical arguments - especially coming from a man.  Over beer and nuts, no less.

And if you really need something to giggle about, check out this video clip.  The same dads take a Pump In Style for a test drive to better understand the experience of pumping mothers.  Ever wonder how your pump compares to a leaf blower in horsepower?  Not for the faint of heart, but it made me laugh. 

And we need that this week, don't we?

Patience, Grasshopper.

One of the great things about blogs is that they can lead you through an experience in 'real time.'  You feel the triumphs and disappointments along with the writer in a way that's not really possible through a newspaper or a memoir.

I've felt that way about the blog, Patience, Grasshopper.  It's the journal of Lauren, a mother of two from the Athens, Georgia area. 

I'm not really sure how I found her blog, but I'm so glad that I did.  She and I have been emailing recently and I'm really pleased to be able to share her story here.

Lauren's daughter Charlotte was born in March of this year.  Shortly after her birth they discovered that Charlotte had a cleft palate, as well as Pierre Robin Sequence (which is a condition marked by a small lower jaw, cleft palate, and a tendency for the tongue to fall back and downward). 

Lauren had nursed her first child, and was committed to giving breastfeeding her best effort with Charlotte.  Here is her description of their journey:

On March 21st, 2006, our daughter, Charlotte Elizabeth was born at 220pm. At approximately 3pm, it was discovered she had a cleft palate and she was ultimately diagnosed with Pierre Robin Sequence. She spent the first month of her life in NICU in ATL and I began exclusively pumping breastmilk for her the day she was born and haven’t stopped yet. (It’s going on 5 months now) She finally had her cleft repair on August 21st and I am hoping we will be able to breastfeed. I feel I owe it to other mothers to share our experience so that they may learn from it. This is our journey.

I'll start you off at the beginning of her blog, in August.  Her struggles are different from many mothers because they involve surgeries and tubes, but I'm willing to bet that you'll find that some of her feelings are familiar to you.

Here is an entry from a good day:

We have NURSING! REAL ACTUAL NURSING! Charlotte latched on and nursed for a grand total of 45 seconds. All smiles and dimples too! (Well, as much as a baby can be with a nipple in her mouth anyway!) I had tears just running down my cheek! She nursed like a total champ for those 45 seconds and completely made my day! The amazing thing is that she did this PRE-REPAIR! So with a bilateral complete cleft of hard and soft palate, she NURSED! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!

And one from a less good day:

After my last post, things went downhill - she started flat out refusing the breast. AND refusing to be held as well. She was happier laying down in her crib by herself than being held by me. ESPECIALLY if the boppy was in view. Oh my goodness… phew.. what a weekend that was!  So I backed off a bit and went back to square one after our breastfeeding support group on the 18th. Square one consisted of just getting her comfortable with being held in the cradle position with my shirt on. Once she was comfy with that (which took all of two days), we moved onto the cradle hold with no shirt. And this past monday, she actually found my nipple all by herself and licked at it and showed interest. However, NO further interest this week at all yet. UGH!

My favorite part of this story is that Lauren is planning on becoming a lactation consultant specializing in helping mothers breastfeed babies with cleft palates.  Believe me, this is something the world needs.  Her favorite online resources are the cleft palate page on kellymom.com, and the Pierre Robin Network. 

I hope that you enjoy reading about Lauren and Charlotte.  I definitely have. 

Unfriendly skies.

Update:  Think it doesn't matter if you call, email, write to complain?  Freedom Airlines has issued a letter stating that in the future they will not request that nursing mothers cover up with blankets, and that they have taken disciplinary action against the flight attendant involved in the incident.  To see the full letter, click here.  More updates, including information on a planned "nurse-in" are in the comments section.

This story was a little too incredible to not write about.  Feel like sharing your response in the comments section?

Yesterday the Burlington Free Press and MSNBC reported that a mother from New Mexico who was traveling with her family on a Delta/Freedom Airlines plane leaving from Vermont, was kicked off the flight for nursing her daughter.  She has filed a complaint with the Vermont Human Rights Commission.  According to the Burlington Free Press:

Gillette said she was seated in the second-to-last row, next to the window, when she began to breast-feed her daughter. Breast-feeding helps babies with the altitude changes through takeoff and landings, Gillette said. She said she was being discreet -- her husband was seated between her and the aisle -- and no part of her breast was showing.

Gillette said that's when a flight attendant approached her, trying to hand her a blanket and directing her to cover up. Gillette said she told the attendant she was exercising her legal right to breast-feed, declining the blanket. That's when Gillette alleges the attendant told her, "You are offending me," and told her to cover up her daughter's head with the blanket.

"I declined," Gillette said in her complaint.

Moments later, a Delta ticket agent approached the Gillettes and said that the flight attendant was having the family removed from the flight.

Gillette said she didn't raise her voice -- not wanting to make a scene in the current jumpy air travel atmosphere -- and complied with the ticket agent, crying as she exited the plane.

I'm afraid that the response from Freedom Airlines was less than reassuring.

"A breast-feeding mother is perfectly acceptable on an aircraft, providing she is feeding the child in a discreet way," that doesn't bother others, Skellon said. "She was asked to use a blanket just to provide a little more discretion, she was given a blanket, and she refused to use it, and that's all I know."

I guess my thoughts on this could be summed up as follows:  Breastfeeding is normal.  Breastfeeding is good for the health of babies and the public as a whole.  Breastfeeding is not indecent, and breastfeeding women do their best to be discreet when feeding their babies in public.  Breastfeeding on an airplane helps regulate ear pressure.  Screaming babies make flights unpleasant for everyone.

If you'd like to send Delta an email here's their complaint form.  I've already received a copy of one complaint letter from a pediatrician.  And Jen, in her letter posted on The Lactivist pretty well summed it up with her comment:  "I'd ask how many Delta and Freedom Airlines employees enjoy their daily meals with a blanket over their heads." 

Welcome to the First-Ever Carnival of Breastfeeding!

This month's theme:  Home for the Holidays.

What's a Carnival?  It's a web event in which several bloggers write on a theme, and the posts are assembled in one place.  To our knowledge, this is the first time breastfeeding bloggers have come together to form a carnival.

To kick off this monthly event, we feature five breastfeeding bloggers who have all written on the theme "Home for the Holidays."  These posts offer stories, suggestions, and inspiration to make your holiday season as a nursing mother a happy and healthy one.

Recently I've had the pleasure of "meeting" the four other bloggers who are participating.  They are all smart, kind, and passionate about supporting breastfeeding.  Here are our posts:

• My Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog post, below, is titled "It All Starts Somewhere," about the challenges of dealing with unsupportive family members at the holidays.
• Jen from The Lactivist brings you helpful information on "Breastfeeding and Holiday Travel."
• Andi from Mama Knows Breast contributes an original poem, "'Twas the Breastfeeder's Nighttime."
• Angela from Breastfeeding 1-2-3 shares "Ten Tips for Breast Health" during the holiday season.
• Sinead from Breastfeeding Mums (particpating from Northern Ireland) brings you "Coping with Kids, Family Get-Togethers and Breastfeeding During the Holiday Season."

We welcome and encourage you to share your own story,  your advice, and your thoughts about breastfeeding and the holiday season.  Thanks for reading, and hope you enjoy the Carnival!

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It all starts somewhere.

"You're not going to do that at Thanksgiving, are you?"

When I met Amy (not her real name) at the breastfeeding clinic, her baby was a few days old.  Already, her parents had started asking whether she was planning on "doing that" at Thanksgiving.  This was in August.

Needless to say, her parents were not exactly supportive of the idea of their daughter breastfeeding.  When I asked her if she thought her parents could come around over time as they saw it more she said, flatly, "No."

This woman, a physician herself, had no doubts about her decision to breastfeed.  And she had remarkably few problems doing it.  Her challenge, one many of us face, was her family.

Another woman I tried to help, who was attempting to be the first in her family to breastfeed in generations, ended up stopping within a few days.  When she told her family that she was switching to formula one relative told her, "Oh yeah, we didn't think you were going to be able to do it anyway."

Breastfeeding and the many demands of new motherhood can be challenging under the best of circumstances.  But if you don't have family support you're really swimming upstream, and the current is strongest at the holidays.

This is one club I'm happy to say I don't belong to.  I was just about the luckiest mother in the country when it came to family support.  Both my mother (pictured with me in, ahem, 1969, above) and my mother-in-law had breastfed their children, at a time when no one did it.  My father-in-law is a pediatrician who is very supportive of breastfeeding.  And when I dug back a little further I realized that the line of breastfeeding in my family was never broken.

I learned that my 91-year old grandmother on my father's side had breastfed her children in the 1930's and 1940's.  She told me:  "It was not the thing to do at the time, but that was just my way."

My other grandmother, whom I never met, emigrated from Japan as a teenager in 1916.  She breastfed all 12 of her children, while raising the family in a tiny house in Honolulu.

So, I didn't really expect to meet much opposition when it came to my decision to breastfeed.  But how did they react when I pumped at work for a year, breastfed into toddlerhood, and let my son wean on his own schedule?

They never said a word.  Not a peep.  See what I mean by lucky?

So, let this thought comfort you if heading home for the holidays feels more like heading into a lion's den:  It all starts somewhere.

If you're the first one in your family to breastfeed, you're paving the way for the next generation.  The family who can't, for reasons of their own, support your decision to breastfeed now, is not the family your children will have.  You'll be there for your daughter or daughter-in-law with cabbage leaves, nursing pillows, and a hug.  You'll teach her a swaddle that would stump Houdini, and cheer when her baby grows a third chin. 

It all starts somewhere, and it can start with you.

The winner!

Last month I wrote about Mothering Magazine's contest to design a new icon to represent a breastfeeding-friendly place.  Mothering has announced the winner of the contest, shown here.

Check out the Mothering Magazine site for an interview with the designer and an explanation of ways the icon can be used.  Mothering Magazine says that they've already heard from a university and a new airport interested in using the symbol.