Nursing mothers' rooms: Convenience or quarantine?

Yesterday I volunteered to staff the nursing mothers' station at the Eastern States Exposition, also known as "The Big E," the largest fair in the Northeast.  It was the first time I'd gone, and I found it fun and sad in the way that all fairs seem to me as an adult.  I ate some fried dough.

I was there for a few hours in the evening to staff the nursing mothers' station, a curtained area in an exhibit hall which has comfy chairs and a changing table (pictured).  During my shift about 6 or 7 moms came to feed their babies, and they were all very appreciative of the privacy and quiet.  Several women walking by the display said things like, "I nursed my baby for 2 1/2 years and I totally support what you're doing!"  On busier days there have been as many as 75 mothers who used the room during the course of the day.

Part of my motivation for doing so was to explore this idea of special places for nursing moms.  They seem to be cropping up all over the place, and I have mixed feelings about them.  I've seen some interesting stuff on them at Hathor the Cowgoddess' site.

But this issue isn't totally black and white, and I keep going back and forth about it.  Below are my thoughts.  I hope you'll share yours.

PRO:

1)  A lot of women like to have a private place to nurse.  Some of these rooms, like the ones at the Babies R Us in our local mall, are nicely done (so I'm told - I haven't actually seen it) and are usually far better than a bathroom stall. 

2)  Not all women feel comfortable nursing in public, and if these places help women nurse their babies while out of the house, that's a good thing.  The reality is that women sometimes do get harassed for nursing in public, and for women who live in communities where this is likely to happen it's good to have a safe place.  Not all moms want to champion the issue of nursing in public, and that's okay.

3)  Some older babies are so distracted while nursing that it really helps to have a quiet place to do a feeding.  The rooms are also good for moms who need to pump.

CON:

1)  The root of the problems our culture has with nursing in public is that it's not seen as a normal behavior.  Keeping it out of the public view prevents it from becoming a normal thing to see, and the culture will never change.  The rooms perpetuate the need for the rooms.

2)  These rooms send a message that breastfeeding a baby is something to be embarrassed or ashamed about, when it's actually a normal human behavior. 

3)  Sometimes nursing mothers' rooms become the ONLY place a mother can nurse in that establishment.  This is actually a step backwards.  It gives business owners an easy out by segregating nursing mothers so they don't have to confront the issue head on with their customers, all under the under the guise of making mothers feel more comfortable.

So, what do you think?

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Comments

[Rachel Draper]

I personally like nursing mother rooms as long as they are clean and neat. I may or may not choose to use them, however. The mall near where I live has one and I found it especially useful when I need a bit of privacy away from people with the baby. But I also did nurse in public in this mall and was not bothered at all. Though I have no problem sitting down and nursing wherever, it is helpful to have some place private for those times when the baby is especially fussy.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

I like a nursing mothers room on occasion, but view it as just for MY convenience and not those around me. So if I were nursing in public where a nursing room was available, I would not want someone to suggest I move to the nursing moms room. That is for ME to decide!

Steph

[Megan]

When your infant is not yet distractable and needs to eat every few hours, you need to be able to nurse anywhere at any time. The reality is that not that many places have nice areas for women to nurse.

Once your baby is older and would rather look at everyone and everything than nurse, it is rather nice to have a quiet place (NOT a bathroom) to nurse. So I guess I would say it depends.

I'm all for nursing anywhere, anytime, and I don't necessarily think that providing a quiet place to nurse is a step backwards. I attended the Green Festival here in DC last year with my husband and infant, and Mothering Magazine provided a tent for nursing/diaper changing. This was about the crunchiest, most liberal gathering of people you can imagine, so I don't think they were trying to segregate the mothers. It was lovely in there...I spoke to lots of other moms while nursing. If they hadn't provided it, I would have nursed my son in the hubbub of the convention, but this was just...nicer.

[Meleah]

I completely agree with all the pros and cons you listed. I appreciate a nice nursing room, but I believe it is essential for breastfeeding not to be tucked away out of sight. Thank you for this insightful balanced post.

[Rattling The Kettle]

As long as the establishment does not enforce a rule like you describe in #3, I think it's a great thing. The problem my wife and I found is that, in many places, there is no comfortable place for a mother to sit down and nurse her child. Having _more_ options is definitely better.

[Tanya Lieberman]

Sent by email from Mary:

I have found these nursing rooms in various places like Babies R’ Us and at the Boston Children’s Museum. I have used both of these rooms, but I have also nursed in both of these buildings in various other locations. I have found the rooms nice to have when my son was very little and we hadn’t mastered nursing never mind nursing in public. I also have used the room at the Museum recently now that my son is older. When he was young and needed to nurse every few hours I nursed anywhere and everywhere. Now that he is older he will not nurse long enough in a place like a Museum because there is so much to look at. Having a quiet place to go is great. Something I noticed at the Children’s Museum a sign that says you may nurse anywhere in the museum you like. The web site says: “You may nurse any where in the Museum, but PlaySpace has a room specifically for nursing” (http://www.bostonchildrensmuseum.org/plan/faqs.html). And what they say is true, I have nursed in a variety of places in the museum and have never even seen a second look from an employee, although I did get a few smiles (at some places with nursing rooms, I have been informed by an employee that if I like there is a nursing room I could use, “No thank you, I’m fine here” usually sends them on their way, although some do come back to offer again!).

I very much agree with your cons, but anything that can help mothers nurse longer, is ok with me.

- Mary

[Jenna]

The only place I really, really like the "nursing mothers room" is at our church. There's some old folks in church (as there should be!) and I don't really like making them lose their concentration on the service to breastfeed. So, I head on over to the nursing mother's room and, voila! I have a comfy chair, as opposed a not-so-comfy pew, and the audio for the service pumped right into the room. I think it was a great idea for them to do, especially since our church seems to be exploding with mamas and babies, many of whom are breastfeeding. :)

[Nola]

Your pros and cons are right on but I think the pros outweigh. Like others have said, at the beginning we weren't skilled enough to nurse in public and these days he's too distracted to do it in public. So nursing rooms have enabled me to continue to breastfeed! In other periods of time we have nursed everywhere and anywhere. It sounds like the Boston Children's Museum policy is one to have - plenty of women need the private room and plenty don't! (plus, who doesn't want to sit down after walking around the Big E all day!)

[tanya@motherwearblog]

I really like the Boston Children's Museum policy. I read it as saying: "If you want a private place we have one available, and if you want to nurse anywhere else you have a right to do so."

[mezzaluna]

i have similar conflicted feelings about nursing wear such as motherwear sells. sometimes it's very convenient! but sometimes it makes me feel like "discretion" is interfering with normalization of breastfeeding.

my 5 month old daughter is getting very upset about nursing in public lately... yesterday she screamed for 15 minutes on a streetcar and refused to nurse... it would have been a lot less embarassing to me if she'd just settled in for a little nursing. so i probably would have been one of the women using the booths, much as i like to promote breastfeeding by feeding in public!

[jennifer.]

Nursing rooms aren't generally useful to me. I have 4 children and, when I'm out without my husband, they aren't interested in being in the hidden inner court. There's even a children's museum that has a toddler area with a nursing room that toddlers aren't allowed in! How am I supposed to keep an eye on my children if they're not with me?

I have a sling. If I feel like covering up, then the tail makes a good cover. If baby doesn't want to be covered, then baby learns to wait a short while to nurse. But, generally, baby nurses fine when I'm walking anyway.

[Kat]

I think they are ok but they are rarely kept clean. Blah.

[natalie w]

At something very crazy and busy like a fair, a nursing station ROCKS. I nurse in public all the time, but when we went to the Wisconsin State Fair in August, nursing on a bench in the sun in the middle of everything was hot, annoying, uncomfortable, and too distracting for my 10-month-old. I found the nursing station by accident--an air-conditioned trailer with a rocking chair and a carpeted floor--and afterwards looked back fondly on that half-hour as perhaps my favorite part of the whole day. My son could focus and enjoy nursing, then crawled around ecstatically.

Part of what I love so much about nursing is the special time for us to just focus on each other, in the midst of our crazy lives. I'm not embarrassed to nurse in front of people, but I often crave quiet so I can enjoy the moment as much as possible. If we are in a place where there is somewhere comfortable to sit, then it's pretty easy to relax together. But if there is not a quiet, comfortable place otherwise available, a nursing room seems to me to be quite appropriate--for the comfort of the nursing pair, not everyone else!

[KtCallista]

I have to say they are in general a good thing. My biggest problem with nursing in public is actually finding a place to sit - private or not. With my first daughter, nursing in public wasn't a problem almost anywhere, blanket or not. With my 4 month old, its impossible to the point where I won't try it unless she is extremely hungry, not just because of the lack of seating, but also because she won't focus when nursing in public. I don't think a Mom should be forced into these rooms, and I think they should be cleaned, but without seating available everywhere (especially fairs and department stores) they are nice to have.

[Mindi]

Great post, Tanya! I totally agree that there are pros and cons to the idea of nursing rooms, although I'm inclined to agree with a previous poster who said the pros outweigh the cons. When Brian was young, we spent a lot of time at the mall, it being winter and the only place to get out of the house and still be able to walk around that I could find. I appreciated so much the nursing room at Motherhood during that time while I was still so unsure about nursing and really didn't want the public eyes on me.

That said, however, I agree that the only way to normalize nursing is to make it happen in public where folks of all ages are able to see it and accept it. There is still a taboo around nursing in public that can only be broken by lots of folks doing it and making it commonplace.

I think it's nice to have the option to be able to nurse in a private space, but it shouldn't be the only option. Nursing is normal, natural, and beautiful, and shouldn't be confined to a back room to protect people's delicate sensibilities!

[Alison]

I really appreciate nursing rooms at places like the State Fair when it is so hot out. They have in past years (in IL) set up air conditioned booths across the fair grounds for nursing moms. This is so helpful to get out of the heat, sit in a comfy glider and nurse my baby.

Overall, I think nursing rooms are thoughtful and appreciate them. I always had a baby that needed privacy to concentrate and eat. I had to leave the action to get her to nurse. So, if the room had a comfy chair and was set up for me, that beat some places I found to go to .

Plus, I think the awareness that there are enough nursing moms to even need a nursing room is nice. I sometimes feel like I am the only mom on this earth breastfeeding because everyone else I know and see is bottle feeding.

[onetinkerbell]

I agree that a nursing room is something that should be made available for those who have the need for one. While living in Germany I've found that the public restrooms also include "family" bathrooms which tend to be well-stocked for the needs of nursing mothers, too. The chairs may not always be comfy but they are there and I've been able to go from changing Gwyn to nursing without having to find a quiet place to nurse.

Gwyn's nursing style makes it very difficult to be discreet in public - she yanks on my clothes, gets upset when I try to keep my shirt even partially covering my breast, and refuses to have any kind of covering unless she's really tired. She flails her arms and legs a lot, too, and frequently takes breaks from her gulping to look around. Consequently I'm sitting there with my breast hanging out. I'm not really concerned about it but I've gotten looks from people now that I'm living in the States again and I know that there are times that I'm thankful for the peace and quiet of a nursing room so that she's a little less distracted and can do her "wild nursing" without attracting unwanted attention. Because some days I'm just not in the mood to deal with people staring.

[Jen]

What a fabulous post and great discussion! I, too, have mixed feelings about this but mostly see it as a benefit. As was said above, more options is better -- so long as the presence of a nursing room does not end up being a "requirement" (implicit or explicit) for a nursing mom to use it rather than nurse in public.

Out here in Silicon Valley, many of our malls have "family rooms" that have private nursing stalls, a little play area for older siblings, lovely diaper changing stations (nicer than the setup I have at home, and usually very clean!) as well as a family potty area, where you could take a young kid and have space and privacy (as well as often a child-sized pot). They are GREAT, well thought out, and indeed family-friendly. To me they speak to a savvy move on the part of the planners, rather than an attempt to segregate breastfeeding.

Here's a tip I read somewhere: for shopping places that don't have such nursing room facilities, for those moms who for whatever reason would prefer to nurse in private -- try asking if you can use a changing room for a while. Most places will happily oblige. And it's a much better alternative than a yucky bathroom stall!!!

[Michelle]

The IKEA in Stoughton has an "all purpose" room set up to the right of the cafe - it claims to be a "nursing" area as well as everything else - it is a toilet. There is a changing table, a toilet stall and a chair right next to the toilet stall. When I see "nursing room" I worry that non-nursing people will think we are *supposed* to go there. The one at Babies R Us is called a "mother's room" and that I think is preferable. That way, no one can think the nursing room is the only place for nursing (as the toilet is the only place for peeing) or that nursing moms get special rights (I know, silly since we actually have almost no rights but some people really think this!). Maybe all these spaces can be called "Parents Places" or something and have two purposes, changing tables and comfy seats (but not right next to each other!).

As someone said above, I worry most about just finding a seat everywhere I go. Sometimes I do like to have a quiet, private place to go but I don't like when it is called a nursing room. I want people to see breastfeeding *at least as* socially acceptable (if not more so) than bottle feeding, and us in our secluded room while parents are openly bottle feeding everywhere else is not very progressive. So, in other words, "parents room" is my vote.

[Beth]

I agree with the pros & cons of Nursing Mothers' Rooms. I do think that there's a risk that the public may see them as the "appropriate" place for mothers to nurse their babies. However, some mother prefer the quiet, convenience and rest that these rooms provide, and I think that's a good thing. I think the availability of such rooms is nice for those that want to use them, but that moms should be encouraged to continue nursing whenever and wherever!

[Heather]

I understand the concept of a nursing room, especially with a little one who gets distracted during nursing. I do NIP, but with a hooter hider, as my size H boobies are difficult to be discreet with. There is just so much more to juggle, literally. So, depending on my mood and on the little one, I would use a nursing room. I don't like being "hidden away" as if what I'm doing is shameful, but for sanity sake, it's a nice accomodation.

[Chris Bjork]

Hi,

I’m sorry to intrude on your blog, I found it when I did a search through google on “Mothering Rooms.”
I would greatly appreciate your help and opinion.
I would like to put a Mothering Room in my store.
I would like your assistance in designing it.
If you have the time, I would be very thankful if you could answer the following questions.
Also, please provide any additional details you feel would be helpful.
Please feel free to send this message to anyone you feel would like to share their opinions.

If you could, would you please e-mail your response to:

bjorkperson@yahoo.com

1. What should be in a mothering room?
You could check-off all that apply and/or tell me how important each item is.
Also, please feel free to include anything I may have forgotten.

A rocking chair?
Other type of chair?
Sanitary wipes?
Carpeted floor?
Music?
A changing station?
A play area for siblings?
A place to lie down?
Electrical outlet?
Magazines?
TV?

2. Where should the mothering room be?
Not in, but near a bathroom, or with a bathroom attached?

3. What should the room be called?
Mothering Room
Nursing Room

4. Anything else you’d like to add? Please feel free.

Thanks a lot for your time and input

Christopher Bjork