The Tenth Carnival of Breastfeeding: Sleep

Welcome to the Tenth Carnival of Breastfeeding!

This month we bring you posts on the topic of that elusive quantity:  sleep.  Be sure to check out the other posts at the bottom of this post.

When people ask me about sleep, I usually look for a quick exit.  I don't know much about sleep except the following:  You can find a book that will tell you whatever you want to believe about babies and sleep. 

Since my husband and I lean heavily  toward the attachment parenting end of the spectrum, we read Dr. Sears and Elizabeth Pantley.  We followed Dr. Weisbluth's Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for a while, and while it helped, nothing really worked until our son was about a year old.

Of course it was terrible, but to us the sleep deprivation was better than a screaming, distraught baby.  The lesson I learned then, and have since forgotten and learned again with issues like weaning and potty training, is that when a child is ready it's easy.  All it takes is a little push in the right direction.  When they aren't, it's a battle. 

Here is another thing I know about sleep:  mastering the side-lying position can make nightime feedings much more manageable.  Not having to sit up for feedings at night means that you get to sleep more easily.  It's also great for a daytime feeding and snooze.

But for most mothers this position is the hardest to get right.  You roll around.  You're worried about crushing the baby, and you can't get a good latch.  So here are some of my favorite resources for learning the side lying position:, as well as a few other sleep resources:

• Video on how to get settled in this position, from breastfeeding.com.
• A step by step guide to this position from Ameda.
• A study suggesting that early use of lying down positions results in babies showing more natural reflexes.
• A page on kellymom.com on the myth that nursing lying down causes ear infections.
• And here's a page on kellymom.com on night weaning.
• My review of Sleeping with Your Baby.

Be sure to check out these posts from other bloggers (updated throughout the day):

• Mama's Magic tells us why the song "So Tired" brought her to tears.
• Hathor the Cowgoddess shares a comic on sleep in her household.
• Breastfeeding Mums tells us about her sleepless nights.
• Leche, Baby! wonders when her son will night wean.
• Veggie Way writes about co-sleeping and learning to let her baby sleep where she wants.
• Breastfeeding 1-2-3 contributes "why sleep training makes me cry."
• Crunchy Domestic Goddess writes about co-sleeping for sanity.
• Life with Twins writes about how sleep training saved her breastfeeding relationship with her twins.
• The Lactivist contributes "to sleep, perhance to dream."
• Mama Knows Breast stays awake long enough to write about "breastfeeding and sleep."

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Comments

[Isil]

Thanks for posting these great tips!

[Angela]

I second the vote for the side-lying position! I found it very useful with both of my girls, starting from the newborn stage on up.

[Sinead@BreastFeedingMums]

I don't know how I would ever have got through the night feeds if it hadn't been for the side-lying position!

[Crunchy Domestic Goddess]

there's no way i could've done it without the side-lying position. thankfully, both of my kids got the hang of that position right from the start. :)

amy

[Rebekah]

I was really surprised that only one of the carnival posts advocated the CIO approach and that seemed to be only as a last resort. I appreciated your comment about being able to find a book that will tell you whatever you want to believe about babies and sleep. I felt like I read every one of them leading up to my son's birth; Ferber, Ezzo, Karp, Hogg, Sears, Pantley.

Two things I'm always surprised about by the whole sleep debate: first how there doesn't seem to be a lot of discussion about how old the baby is when you start sleep training and second how there is rarely any discussion about the method can be heavily influenced by the family situation. (And third, how incredibly judgmental people on BOTH sides can be toward those who don't do as they do.)

I think it makes a lot of sense to treat the first few weeks as a fourth trimester and help introduce your child to the world slowly and by imitating the womb in many ways. Slings, co-sleeping, comfort feedings are intuitive during this period in a baby's life. Ferber doesn't even recommend starting sleep training until three or four months. The big point of departure for people on both sides of this issue seem to be at what point do you teach a child to sooth themselves back to sleep. Six week? Twelve weeks? Six months? When they self-wean? They’ll do it when they are ready and you don’t need to “teach” them anything? Based on what I understand, just like you have the 4-6 week window to introduce a bottle or risk bottle strike when you return to work, there is a window of time when it’s best to start teaching a child to sleep through the night. What that optimal window is exactly is open for debate and I think is child and situation dependent.

When our first son was born, my husband was a full-time grad student who needs eight hours a night to function, and I was going back to work full-time to support our family and, while I can operate on 4-5 hours a night, I don't operate well and am mean to boot. We opted for a CIO approach we felt comfortable with and I worked at keeping my son awake during his night feeding so he would get a full feeding and sleep that much longer in between. We had a flexible but predictable schedule during the day that seemed to make him feel more secure. And by the time I had to go back to work at 12 weeks, our son was consistently sleeping from 8p-5:30a and we were a well-rested, happy family.

I'm sure it helped us too that we seemingly had a baby whose personality fit our method; even as a newborn he could barely stand the sling unless he was already asleep when we put him in it and we finally figured out he didn't like to be touched when he was trying to go to sleep. I have the feeling our next baby won't share those traits and we'll take a different approach to handle it. On top of that, we're currently living in a tiny apartment that doesn't have room for an additional crib so co-sleeping may be our best option when Number Two arrives in February. The point being that how you handle the sleep issue is heavily dependent on your circumstances and your child.

[nicole@Lechebaby]

Thanks for the helpful advice.
I really like the idea "when a child is ready it is easy". My breastfed son is now 21 month and showing no signs of slowing on nursing or co-sleeping. I don't want to push him to wean (or sleep in his own bed for that matter), but I would like to ovulate again! I don't think that will happen for me until breastfeeding is over, unfortunately. Speaking of that, breastfeeding and fertility might make a good topic for a carnival?

[The Mommy Blawger]

"Speaking of that, breastfeeding and fertility might make a good topic for a carnival?"

Oooh, I second that suggestion.

[poohsmama]

I agree with the "when a child is ready, it's easy...." type of thinking. This is my first child and so of course, everyone from the doctor on down is ready to put in their two cents about how he is sleeping, where he sleeps, etc. My son is 6 1/2 months old and sleeps in his own bed part of the night and with me part of the night. Side feeding is a Godsend and has been working for us since he was born.

[Carter-Ann]

This was a really great carnival and I enjoyed reading everyone's posts. I agree with Crunchy Domestic Goddess that both "sides" of the sleep debate can be judgemental towards each other. And I found her comment about lack of discussion on how age influences sleep training spot on.

Oh, and I second the fertility and breastfeeding. I'm still waiting to start ovulating again and I keep hearing horror stories from friends (the worst PMS/period/cramps ever etc.)

[Jen]

I really enjoyed participating in this, my first breastfeeding blog carnival! Thanks so much for letting me participate. I greatly appreciated all the insightful posts. I wish I'd been able to read yours about the side-lying position looooong ago.... I had a hard time learning this position (mostly because of recovering from the emergency c-section, I think.) But now I can't imagine life without it!

And yes, I agree -- so often, it's all about the child's readiness. With that in place, everything is much, much easier.

Looking forward to the next carnival!

[Beth]

"When a child is ready, it's easy". Great words, Tanya!

I try to remind myself of this when I feel outside pressure (whomever and whatever the source) to help/train my children to "do" something at the "expected" time. It usually ends up in a battle of wills in our house. So, I remind myself frequently that my children are capable of becoming more independant with sleep/weaning/using the toilet/etc when they are allowed to decide when they are ready.

Unfortunately, many parents aren't able to hear or know they're childrens' readiness because society has decided when certain "milestones" should be met.