I'm pleased to share a guest post from Sarah today, who relactated after weaning in order to restart her nursing relationship with her son.
Initially
for me breastfeeding didn't work. My son Clive was too small to get a decent
latch/suck, as a result my supply went down. And to top it off (after I
got the supply fixed through pumping) the medication that I'm on
(lamotrigine) for bipolar made him sleepy.
I'd been warned about the
medication and if Clive hadn't been so small at birth I think there
would've been a better chance at things working. I also passed chunks
of placenta for a few weeks postpartum, something that nobody had
caught, despite me hemorrhaging during labor and immediately
postpartum.
Beyond that, when I was pumping every 2-2.5 hours to get my supply
up and feeding Clive at the same time I was wrecked. As someone with a
mental illness that is exacerbated by sleep deprivation I couldn't add
to my lack of sleep that much.
I cried from disappointment and anger for many days over the span
of a week until I could see that Clive had a full belly, was happier
and finally gaining weight (he was 5lb15oz at birth, 5lb9oz at
discharge and went down to 5lb4oz before we switched to formula).
In reality, I don't think I was ever really "okay" with not breastfeeding, and apparently neither was Clive.
My husband and I take turns bathing with Clive. On nights when I did, as
his bath was drawing near, he'd latch onto me and start suckling with
what looked and felt like a proper latch. He started doing it whenever
he had access, too. I could see that he still wanted to nurse, even
though he only had for the first 10 days of his life.
When Clive was 9 months old, I researched re-lactation. As soon as I wasn't nursing I went on the birth control pill so my milk had dried up by about 6 weeks
postpartum. Everything that I read said that it might take upwards of 6
weeks to see milk again and up to 9 months (the length of time I'd
stopped for) to be able to provide enough milk for Clive. I prayed for
acceptance and slept on my decision for a few nights.
Once I knew I could commit I went to my doctor and got a
prescription for domperidone. I bought a dual pump. I started taking
the drugs and pumping every 2-2.5 hours, except at night where I slept
as usual. On day five I was able to hand express my first drop of milk.
On day 12 and I was able to express enough milk, through pumping, so that it drips through the valves and into the bottle.
For me this is not about forcing him to do something new, or forcing him to
be uncomfortable, or forcing him to only take food or comfort from the
breast. For me this is about giving Clive an opportunity to give him
something he always should have had. It's also about connecting with
him on a deeper level and following his cues. He said "Hey mama, I'd
like to nurse, at least for comfort", so I responded.
Even without the nightly waking, the physical toll became quickly
apparent. I started taking afternoon naps with Clive every couple of
days - not through choice, really. I'd just lay down with him until he
was asleep and suddenly it became two hours later. I've been hungrier,
thirstier and lacking the energy to do much other than pump and spend
time with Clive. I love every minute of it, I love knowing that my body
is making something so precious.
As of today, two months into this journey, Clive nurses to sleep for all of his naps, asks to nurse, while awake, 4-6 times per day, occasionally nurses during the night and always nurses upon waking in the morning. It's simply wonderful and easily the best decision I've made for us since he was born.
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