So I think that a few of you interpreted my post about how to know when a baby is "done" by recognizing nutritive vs. non-nutritive nursing to mean that I don't think that comfort nursing is important or valuable.
Quite the opposite. I know without a doubt that breastfeeding is not just about 'feeding, and I absolutely encourage, support, and value comfort nursing. In fact, I spent quite a lot of my time doing it these days. Being able to comfort your baby with nursing is one of the best parts of breastfeeding, in my opinion. When I think back on my nursing experiences I'll remember milk a whole lot less than I'll remember the cozy feeling of cuddling up on the couch with my babies and nursing for as long as they wanted.
That's why I can't stand the advice, "Don't let your baby use you as a pacifier." I want to make t-shirts that say, "Actually, I do want to be used as a pacifier."
My point in challenging the "he'll come off when he's done" mantra is that I think it creates an expectation that just doesn't match reality. That feels like a set up.
Here's a scenario that a number of you described in the comments to Monday's post: You're a new mom at home, and you believe that all nursing is nutritive, and you think that a feeding is done when your baby says, "check, please!" and comes off the breast. But your baby doesn't just come off the breast. He keeps nursing and nursing and nursing, and you think that he's eating the entire time. Can you see how that would lead to a lot of frustration, fear and guilt? Maybe enough to think that breastfeeding is not for you?
I think that we owe it to moms to make sure that they understand what's happening during a feeding so that they can make their own decisions about how they want feedings to go. Then you can decide. Need to end a feeding after the eating part is over so you can take a shower or pick up your older child from school? Great. Want to cuddle up on the couch and nurse for hours on end? Fabulous.
As a La Leche League leader said at the last meeting I attended, breastfeeding is a relationship, and there has to be a balance between what each of you needs. To navigate this relationship, I think it's helpful to know what is happening when you nurse.
Below is a cartoon that expresses my feelings about what breastfeeding is "made of," from Heather at Mama is... You can listen to a podcast interview with her, too!
